Recently I have become more and more aware of how I react to certain situations and how these reactions could be viewed as self-destructive. I started Googling self-destructive patterns and what self-destructive people would usually do and found that I have basically all the traits listed. It’s like everything in the list point to self-hate and ruining everything in your life to feed into this instead of working towards fixing it.
Self-destructive people tend to be easy to pick out of a crowd. They are insecure and are genuinely unhappy with themselves and their lives. Once you realise you are one these people then it does take an awful lot of work to get out of the rut but you can do it. Remember I am doing it too because this is a hole I don’t want to be buried in anymore.
I’ve listed just a few of the characteristics below and how you could tackle them yourself and with a little help from your friends.
Do you pass up chances because your scared that it isn’t going to work out as you had hoped? Do you use a past example of failure as an excuse to not try again? Well you need to stop saying no and start saying yes and keep saying yes. Failure is nothing to be ashamed of. How you handle failure is a lot more important than the failure itself and that’s something I wish I had learned earlier in my life. Maybe then I would have seen more countries, met more people, met the people I know now earlier and made more memories. Step outside your comfort zone sometimes just to see what will happen and I can almost guarantee that you will not be disappointed.
If you asked anyone who knows me if I am an open person they would probably laugh at you. Apparently, I have lost a lot of friends because I won’t let people help me and don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with asking for help and opening up to people just make sure they are the correct people. Over the last year, I have started to realize that swallowing your pride and being open to people you trust is very important to be happy. Self-destructive people don’t realize this and see a type of importance in suffering alone.
I personally have found that writing about how I feel is a lot easier than saying it out loud. That might sound incredibly strange but I struggle to show emotion and talk about it at the same time. It’s almost like I shut down every time someone asks me a personal question that I wasn’t expecting. So I write about it or I will send a text and hope that it comes across the way I hoped.
If like me you have a string of bad relationships following you like a bad smell that you just can’t seem to wash off then welcome to our rubbish team. I let past relationships cloud how I feel about my present relationship so even though I love him more than life itself I can’t let myself show that because I am terrified that he is going to wake up one day and see me exactly like I see me.
Letting these past relationships go is as tough as it seems but I think that taking every day one at a time really does help. Don’t overload yourself with things your uncomfortable with because you will completely freak out and you will run for the hills. Take a deep breath and trust in your other half. Talk to them about it. If it doesn’t turn out as you had hoped then move on and learn from it.
Self-destructive people love to keep bad memories stored up for when they are having a really good day and want to ruin it. They live in their memories rather than in the moment and they use these past bad memories as an excuse to not enjoy themselves. They don’t know how to let all these bad memories go and really the only way I have found a way around this is meditation or writing letters to the people who have hurt me and then never sending them. Really, it’s all about letting all your bad memories go because they don’t belong in your present.
Do you second-guess yourself all the time over insignificant things that you can’t change? As soon as you have these worrying thoughts about things you can’t alter stop them in their tracks. Stop thinking and worrying about things that aren’t worth your time. If you can’t change anything then there is no point worrying about it.
Remember that you have a lot of good qualities that you constantly skim over to focus on your bad aspects. Do you focus on the one bad comment over the hundred good ones? If someone makes a negative comment don’t dwell on it because that’s a reflection of themselves and not you.
It’s drilled into us at a young age that it’s not acceptable to love yourself so it’s incredibly easy to hate yourself. However, be strong and try and focus on your good and beautiful parts. If you need a little help with this ask a friend what they like about you and write down their answer. Look at it whenever you need a little pick me up and maybe add to it when you’re having a good day.
Last but not least, your friends are supposed to make you a better person. However, self-destructive people have a tendency to hang around people who are jealous, manipulative and those who feed off other peoples problems. Almost like your problems are a competition to see who can be the most messed up. If this is you then take it from me. It might hurt to walk away and let the friendship go but in a couple years you’ll be better for it. It’s about quality and not quantity. Having two good friends over a handful of rubbish ones will always be better for you. It’s hard but it’s worth it.